Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
