i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
