i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
