the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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