i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
