We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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