i already hear my dad disowning me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
