OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
