her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
