Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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