You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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