I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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