Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
