Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
