I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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