is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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