my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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