Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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