This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
