so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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