I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
