Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize