Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
