so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
