If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
