I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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