I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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