dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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