he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
