I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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