I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Randomize
