i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
