I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
