roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
