Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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