my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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