Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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