So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
