You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
