You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
