Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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