Duck Duck Cougar?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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