The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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