Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
