Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
