Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
