i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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