You can't special order awesome
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
