The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How naked do you want me to be?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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