put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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