Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
