Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
