every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
