My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
