I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
