Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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