why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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