I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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