my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
