Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize