you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
