Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize