he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
