he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
