If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
