i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
