i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
