Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
