Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize