We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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