party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
