things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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