Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
