He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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