where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
