i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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