You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
3pm strippers are depressing
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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