i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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