She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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