You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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