so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
