Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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