he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
