Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
