im having a threesome with these popsicles
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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