Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
