You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize