Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
