My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
