Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
