dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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