She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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