Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
