he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
